I recently read (and I don’t know where or I’d link it here) that most people in the US today are unsure of how to give or receive compliments. How did we get there? I honestly don’t know, but I’m interested in your ideas in the comments following this post.
I posted a video of people who are doing both, giving and receiving compliments. They are doing them right, most of the time; but there were some fumbles, and I’ll explain.
Giving a compliment: When you give the gift of a compliment, it should never be under any duress. If you give one because someone gave one to you first, it sometimes (not always) can lessen the value of the gift. It all depends on the level of authenticity of the compliment. Keep that in mind. No one wants flattery (where someone tells you what they think you want to hear). It should always be about the other person, not us. So, a compliment says: this is what I see you doing/being and here’s the value I see it has. A fumble says: this is how you make ME better. That’s encouragement and a good thing – but not an actual compliment.
We all want to hear what good we are in this world of struggle. All of us have bad days that make us wish we weren’t born or that it would all end; and it’s the genuine feedback from those who know us best that keep us going. That feedback isn’t always a compliment, but it can be encouragement of any kind about how we can improve or how we make you feel. So I won’t say that anyone should stop being encouraging! I just think we need to be able to step outside of ourselves on occasion and just notice what makes others stand out as important or unique in the crowd of people we all live in.
Comments? Thoughts? Share! I need feedback :).
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